Today, Yesterday & Tomorrow

I just had the realization that one day Sarah is not going to remember all these days I’ve had with her. While she’s young. I knew this when she was an infant, and even a baby, but as a toddler that fact doesn’t change.
All these moments when she gives me a hug without me asking, or tells me she loves me without prompting.
These are the days, weeks, months and years that only I will remember.
Motherhood is the most emotional experience of my life. And this is only the beginning.
I hope I never forget days like today. Days where we didn’t do anything but sit around and play and laugh. Days where I blew raspberries on her tummy while she giggled and told me to stop and then immediately after I stop says “Do it again?!” Over and over.

While I was putting Sarah to bed tonight she asked to watch “one more” episode of Curious George. I told her no, that she already got to watch ‘one more’. She started to cry and get upset and I had to stand firm. To be the parent, even though all I wanted to do was cuddle with her on the couch. Some days are tougher than others, but I have learned that if she doesn’t get her rest she will show it tomorrow. It isn’t hard to do after an especially looong day. When I’m ready to turn my brain off. Now I am sitting here on the couch and the house is quiet. Real quiet. Too quiet. It’s funny how much you miss your children and all their noise while they are peacefully sleeping.

This post started because of a text I sent my mom. She is on a trip and incommunicado, which makes me realize how much I normally talk to her. I had to send her a message, even though she won’t get it for a few more days, to thank her for being what I am trying my best to be. For the past [almost 30] years I had the best example of a loving mother. In the beginning days, months and years that only she knows the stories from. One day I will look at pictures with our children and will have to tell them the story behind them because they won’t remember. It will be some of the best moments, I can already tell.

All this to simply tell you, mom, and all moms, thank you for being this for us. For showing and teaching me that, while motherhood is the most exhausting and demanding role, it is the most beautiful and rewarding gift I could ever give and receive.

I can’t imagine a better life.
I love and miss you.